Saturday, 5 February 2011
He knows why he is struggling to deal with every emotion he feels and experiences, he knows its hard to process those thoughts, they are oh so strong, its because he has never had to deal with the emotions that are coursing through his body, its all so new to the boy, every experience that is new, he is still denied as he has been before, but the way in which he is being denied is new to him. he is struggling with how to handle these new feelings and emotions.
"Struggle" now theres a word, a word that he didn't think he would struggle with, but he is, in oh so many ways, not as before, but in the way he is learning, how dismissive and controlling Mistress can be, is being, will continue to do so in her control of her cock and how often it will be, may be, can be, touched, played with, edged.
Going back to the beginning when Mistress took control of her cock, the boy wasn't naive at giving up control because it was going to happen at some point, but in the way it has and had such an impact on everything we had discussed, was told how feelings would change, how experiences would show the boy such different feelings and emotions, how he would become more focused, more attentive, and how those feelings would change, grow and expand to levels never experienced before.
They have and continue to do so and each day is a new challenge, i don't wear a device, which makes it all even harder to experience as her cock can get hard, it can achieve an erection, it can give the boy feelings he has always had before, he just cant touch and that is the hardest, if he had a device on there would be no choice, but there isn't and he does, he just has to accept that fact.
All the above feelings, thoughts, experiences, emotions, bring screaming to the fore the boys submission, they are showing him such new levels of how he feels, how much he wants to feel more, how much more there is to learn and how fucking much more Mistress will teach him to feel and experience.
This blog was going to be all about something else but the boy wanted to express his feelings and emotions and show to his Mistress, yes he can be a whinging, whining, selfish, submissive at times, but with everything the boy is feeling at this moment in time and all the emotions, and with every day that passes he is learning something he hadn't known he possessed in his mind, these are all different and new experiences.
Over the past couple of weeks, the boy has sent texts, and said things online, that he shouldn't have,even last night he did it again, a text, not something you can frantically pull back out of the phone once you have hit the "send" button not something you can cancel because you know you shouldn't have sent it.
Like a message you send on messenger, theres fuck all you can do to retrieve it, once its sent its sent !
But in real time, one on one, face to face, you say something, you know when you say its wrong, you shouldn't have done, but you have, you have eye contact, you have your facial expressions that give away your shame, you can look pleadingly in to her eyes, she can see immediately how you feel, how you know you are wrong, how even though you know there will be a consequence to your actions, that she can see the remorse in feel having said what you have.
That time when you can show her how you will do anything she wants you to do to make her life easier, from the mundane task of washing up, ironing, housework, to the joyous feelings of getting her a drink, to receiving her piss so she doesn't have to bother to go to the toilet, to sitting at her feet worshipping her feet that deserve the attention you give them, in fact anything that makes her incredible busy life a lot easier and more enjoyable and in return, her cherishing and caring for her submissive, even with the submission she makes you feel, you know how much you mean to her.
When she can grab a fist full of your hair and drag you to her, just because she wants to, because she can, because you are hers to treat in any way she wants, to pinch your nipples forcing you to your knees because she wants you down there in that way, so you can show her how much you like being at her feet.
That time will be a special time.